NonSENSE

As the music fades into the darkness, all became numb.  The ever-beating heart stopped, came to life for a while, and then stopped until the end of time. I don’t want to, but there’s no choice but to surrender. Im dead for sure…yet I’m still breathing…breathing the air of agony, the spirit of sorrow. The blood filled with emptiness still flows through my pale veins. The sadness, I can smell it in the air. Where am I? It’s blue, no darker.. Dimmer than the darkness of the night. Tonight, I’m only nervous. Nervous. Nervous. People around are changing and no one can figure out how, why and to what extent. It’s midnight but it’s teary. Inside me is someone who is divulging a secret only I can decode. And they suddenly fell, the unstoppable and frozen tears. Life has its opposite, negative opposites are always greater. Yesterday was happiness and today was a total melancholy. Where am I going? Im surely talking to myself but quietly... I’m longing for something I don’t know…something that could fulfill the hole internally. Satisfaction is what I want. The way of achieving it? Impossible. I have my God. I have my faith. I don’t know why I’m being like this. The never-ending trials are somehow tiresome. Sure, you won’t understand me.

The wind is blowing too hard but no rain came out, even a little. It’s still yuletide season and I can’t think about sleeping. I’m having this syndrome of too much thinking that made me wrote this-- iniquitous, unscrupulous and not warranted. A kinship that has never been completed, never been developed, and may never tightened anymore. Hypothetically, it’s my entire fault. Nonetheless, I can find myself an elucidation. What am I going to do here? The wind is blowing even harder now, the leaves are falling away invisibly. The rain begins to pour clumsily on the roof and somehow it feels good. Is the heaven joining me? When are they going to take me so that I can join them? Harder. I found myself staring at the endless--inhaling the fume of the ground which is pulling me down.  I can’t even smile as people around smile before me. Tomorrow, I think I know what will happen. I’m not dead, pondering the thoughts of blankness. Liars and charlatans are thinning out and they are gulping the society. They are infecting greedy and merciless people who make untrue stories of weak individuals—individuals who always dream of strength they can’t have by themselves. Nearly, my mind is going to burst. I’m partly insane and I can’t resist having this madness. Why can’t I choose happiness if it’s one of the options. The words might not leave the perplexed tongue. Complicatedly expressible. Is it a feeling or an emotion? I’m saddened by something no one can ever feel, thoughts not in the world, a matter that is beyond imagination. I still can’t sleep, looking at my empty bed with my opaque body. It’s blurred. Very blurred. Dreaming is all I can do for now. But what should I dream? Dreaming of something not real? Unreachable? Unattainable? Redundant, it seems but no words fill my head now. All things are defying gravity—floating limitlessly, undeniably. Shddsckxnvhfidiwjdjckbvb skowdjdhoqhskkkk.. I’m out. I can’t find the right words to convey the picture in my head. Anger and patience, tears and smile, death and love…battling over… shaking until the grasses die… and the colors around weaken.