Back Off

She realized that she’s being back in the cycle. And she need, not tomorrow but now, to BACK OFF.

It’s a cycle. It’s a cycle that she left behind, a circle that she should have left behind, a loop that she MUST now left behind. BACK OFF.

What do she mean being back? Well as she weighs her recent everydays, it’s a lie not to admit that she’s not happy—happiness either from some words and smiley on a phone screen or an inevitably charming jest coming from him. It may be too a happiness from some of his words of upliftment or the knowledge of being similar to each other in many aspect. Temporary happiness she must say.

Probably, it’s her fault. Instead of walking away from the cycle behind her, she unconsciously, found herself in it wherein the same and same stuffs happen. She doesn’t like to play around and she doesn’t like being played around. She doesn’t want to invest anything to anyone. Well not because she doesn’t get anything in return. She just doesn’t want to cause pain to anyone. Different kind of thoughts and emotions flooded her of what and where and when and why and how. Gibberish.

Back off. Back off. Back off. It keeps echoing in her head. And probably she must start her step away before falling completely into the emptiness or the gap between them…before some bond breaks…before the other self will never be the same again.

Too deep. Too shallow. Too wide. Too narrow. Nonsense.

To begin this plans in hear mind, she must initiate herself not to enjoy being in the cycle. In this cycle she felt loved yet a wrecker. In this cycle she felt judged, well judged mostly by herself. She felt as if like she’s causing some unintentional pain to persons who are really a family to her. She felt criticized by the people around her, though she’s not certain. All of these were in her midst.

Today, she wanted to re-align herself—change her focus, change her perspective. She’ll make it up to her true blood, by fixing some broken things or strengthening the bond. She’ll focus on her other family—children, youth and some girlfriends. She gotta establish her plans for her career too. Starting from this day, she’ll gonna take pleasure in the love bestowed on her from above which is never ending, never failing, always caring. Then wait for the moment the love-abounding Heaven give her heart some deficiency that only a creation ordained by Heaven can fill.

Today, she started to back off...

Please, back off.