2014
is over. It's now the 5th day of 2015. This I say to
myself: You always trust, always hope, always persevere...
I
really don't know how to thank GOD for my year 2014 (the reason why
this blogpost is quite late). I can't understand why HE is good, so
faithful to me (which, I know, is not for me to comprehend). I just
don't understand HIS plans nor can I grasp HIS thoughts...well surely
I can't. HE is so so so great!
You
may ask me why. And you may also not.
It
is up to you then.
The
first quarter of my 2014 is indeed challenging. I was in my fifth
year the College of Engineering then. In short, I am one of those
students classified as “graduating” yet my thesis project is not
yet defended, not yet done, not yet even working. To be honest? I
cried some tears because of this. At some points, I gave up, wanted
to start it all over again and change the whole project. At some
points, I accepted that I wont be finishing it on time and I will not
march with my classmates. But all throughout I prayed for it. I pray
for it as the sun rises, as I close my eyes to sleep, as the I work
on it with the team. In this times, I am holding to Genesis 28:15.
11th
of April, I marched with my mom on my side...
I
was a five-year DOST Scholar...
And
for the glory of GOD, I was a Cum Laude.
The
next five months of that first quarter is really breathtaking for me.
I decided to take the September Licensure Exam and I was
environment-forced to take a five-month review. As September draws
near, my heart pounds louder and louder. The five months did not took
all the topics to be learned and that added to my nervousness. The
result of former ECE Board Exam with low passing percentage, the new
board members, the result of the dry run exam, the pressures from my
parents, friends, university andthe pressure from being a scholar, a
cum laude... These things drag me down to my senses that I cannot do
it. I can't make it.
I
can't make it alone.
During
these months also, I came to know GOD deeper. I attended this ECE
Connect Fellowship wherein I did grow my trust in GOD. I am reminded
that my worth in GOD is far more than my achievements and what I can
be. I am reminded not to worry and HIS plans is definitely higher and
better than mine. I was indeed humbled yet empowered with increasing
faith in HIM.
And
the two-day exam came. And I like to detail it.
First
Subject: MATH. It didn't go well for me. Five hours was allotted for
the subject but I didn't even finish reading and solving all the 100
questions. Many of my shaded answers are not smart guess but guess
with faith.
Second
Subject: ELECTRONICS. Major for four hours. During reviews we focused
on problem-solving and diagrams and circuits. The exam? More of
terms, principle and few diagrams.
The
night came and it was the first day. The night came and as I talk to
one of my encouragers that moment, some tears and some more tears
fall. It's like I don't wanna take the last two subjects the next
day. But as he said, the battle is not yet finish. With GOD and my
trust in HIM, pass or fail, I will be victorious.
That
sleepless night passed and surely the morning came, I am expectant. I
was hoping of hope.
Third
Subject: GEAS (General Engineering and Applied Sciences). This
subject comprises of economy, management, chemistry, physics, laws
and ethics, mechanics and other non-major topics. I was surprised.
This was the most difficult subject ever. I was stunned, speechless,
teary (again) after five hours. I accepted the fact and it is alright
if would retake the board exam.
Fourth
Subject: EST. Communications. My hope revived! Though I was not sure
of my answers, but I have the feeling that my answers were correct.
While taking the exam, I am being reminded of the books I have read
which somehow helped me feel alive again.
The
three days after the exam were the longer days for me ever. Sleepless
hoping, mindful praying, speechless kneeling, in emptiness staring. I
feel numb when people ask me “kamusta?” I feel like crying when
someone greet me as “Engineer.” I feel like disappearing when in
house a precelebration party was held.
“They
do not know what they are doing...” I said to myself.
At
about 9PM on October 3, 2014, I knew that the exam result will be
released. I shut off my laptop and just listen to the noise around
the house. I was really really nervous. My phone is ringing and I
didn't take it until her 7th try I think. I don't know if
she will greet me or else comfort me.
I
passed. I am now a Licensed Engineer. I know that GOD made some
adjustments for me to make it.
During
those five months, was June. My birth month. And one of the dearest
greetings I've receive is a call from a man from Canada—my almost
21-year lost biological father.
Until
now I am still amazed with how GOD worked and still at work in my
life. The last time I remember praying to see my biological father
was during grade school days when my seatmates ask me about him.
Fifth of February when I confirmed HE is my father. We see each other
face to face on skype. How did I know he is the one? I saw my sister
too which looks a lot like me. And that awkward blithe feeling came
to me knowing that I have my other half. Well, we're just like
fraternal twins.
It's
the month of march when we met each other personally. I also had a
chance to meet my relatives on his side. They welcome me warmly. My
cousins are purely Chinese, speaks Chinese, look very Chinese. I was
very thankful to GOD that HE let me experience things not normally
experienced by many. I feel like I was a protagonist in a movie.
Up
to this day, I have so many more things to be thankful about—for
the families I have, for my mom, for the Church I've been attending
to, for the ministry entrusted to me and for the people who is always
for me.
Above
all the things I've thankful for is my family. I feel like I became
to them this year. I don't know how did it start because I'm not that
clingy and “malambing” daughter ever. Well, I did not change but
since I got to spend more time with them, I became vocal to them.
Eventually, they treated me the same (I hope this feeling is true).
I
am the only girl among the siblings—I was their princess. My mom is
the queen. My brothers are the princes and also my knights (though I
am the eldest). They have the greatest expectation of me yet the
proudest individuals for me. They didn't care about my achievements
nor my weirdest happiness. They just love being with me (sana) and I
hope they are not in regret of having me in their circle.
I
wanna thank GOD my mom for being so understanding and patient who
didn't scold me even once whenever I arrive home at almost midnight.
I thank GOD for making her my mom who tolerates me of my crazy
hobbies. I thank GOD for making her so gentle that sometimes it's
like I am raising my voice to her. I thank her for her never-ending,
never-tiring arranging and cleaning my seemingly-snake-den room. She
is not just a part of my 2014, she was and will be my number one fan!
And I will be hers too.
I
also praise GOD for this wonderful friend HE has given me—my twin
sister (from another womb) in Christ. Her name is Jimell Andrea, born
six days before I was. My nursery classmate (which I realized after
several years because of an old class picture), my grade school days
buddy (na lagi kong inaasar because of her modesty) and my best
friend who loves CHRIST and HIS Church and its people (who I know
that for some time prayed for me to know HIM too). I thank GOD for
making her who she is. I thank GOD for her even though she still does
not know how to ride a bike. I thank GOD for making her thoughtful
and caring and sweet. And I am given a chance to be someone else? I
would choose to be like her.
I
may not detail all the blessings I do have right now, but one thing
is for sure: IT IS ALL FROM GOD. IT IS ALL FOR HIM. IT IS ALL ABOUT
HIM.
HE
had made me wait for five years for me to graduate...
Five months and three long days for me to be licensed...
Almost 21 years to be with my biological father...
I
didn't plan for any of this waiting.
I
am now learning.
For
year 2015, I do have plans but I am praying for HIS will be done. HE
has so much better for me and for the rest of us too (Hebrews
11:40).
And
I am now ready (again) to face my mountain.
I
am ready to witness how the Red Sea will depart.
I
am ready to move forward before my Jordan River.
I
will walk in the path GOD is making.
I
will run to the prize HE is offering.
How
about you? Will you join me in my journey? :)
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