The Routine

Choices. Trials. Happiness. Lie. Love. Fear. Patience. Disappointments. Faith. Distrust.

Does life suck? No. Is life a cycle? Definitely, inevitably… YES.

I don’t know about you but I did grow up learning that life is a “cycle” yet many times I do forget it. I do forget it when I am happy. I do forget it when I am sad. I don’t remember it when I am trusting and waiting and believing or when I am discouraged, disappointed or worst when I am a failure. And I’m not certain that I could remember it later after I wrote this, or tomorrow when I wake up.

I love the way the wise teacher states this in Ecclesiastes 7:14 CEV,

When times are good,    you should be cheerful; when times are bad,    think what it means.God makes them bothto keep us from knowing    what will happen next.

You see. Life, contrary to the norms, is NOT full of surprises. The fact that we know that life is uncertain should make us not to be startled with what tomorrow will bring.

Honestly, right now. I feel tired. Though I don’t do anything, I am not into studies nor in a workplace, yet I feel exhausted…exhausted not of living nor breathing but on my life’s routine. Well, the routine I’m pertaining to is not the physical everyday to-do-things but of the real life itself. Yesterday was good, a while ago didn’t go my way. Now I am on a small room in front of a four-cornered 15.6” screen, pretending to understand life and how it goes, digging deeper where thoughts and words could meet. And this activity can happen again maybe tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, the day after two tomorrows. I will never know. Amazing, isn't it?! And the same goes with life. Struggles after struggles. Giants after giants.

You may think I’m crazy. And your thoughts are REALLY none of my business. I just want to express what’s inside of me right now (since I misplaced my scratch-like green journal). I would also like to know if I am normal (that is when someone can relate to these writings). I have no one to talk but GOD and myself. HE knows me and my thought and my tomorrow. Maybe now I am down yet HE holds me firmly.

Maybe now I am down but this I have felt before…many times. And many more times, I am lifted, happy, victorious. Well, this feeling should never surprise me. It will eventually passed. I just have to remind myself. Things may not go the way I want it but I believe it’s going the way GOD wants it.  HIS plans cannot be thwarted. HIS intentions cannot be shaken (Psalm 33:11). So should I.

My life is a wheel, not of fortunes, but of GOD’s great love.

Trials produces a more stable faith.

Loneliness is to prove that in GOD is the fullness of joy, overflowing.

Unless my life is all about me, then it’s all up to me. Since my life is all about HIM, then it’s all up to HIM.

Life sucks and can take you by surprise bringing you disappointments. It is a wearisome routine, a never-ending cycle, a continuous ups and downs. This is life not acknowledging GOD and HIS power and HIS sovereignty and HIS great love for mankind.

But life with GOD? Try it. And you’ll be drowned, not with the raging flood of fear, bitterness, inequity and condemnation.

You will be drowned in HIS calm ocean of love, peace, joy, serenity, blessings, a never-ending grace and mercy.

HE makes me glad. HE is singing over me every moment I am down. HE loves to sing over you too. (Zephaniah 3:17)

Comparing: Better or Bitter?

Comparison. Girls? We don’t like that word. I guess the gals too. More often than not, we people who live in this fallen world, compare ourselves to other regarding our skills, talent, personality, gadgets and every other stuff that can be compared of. Hence, it’s either we become jealous, discouraged, inferior or we can become boastful, superior. There could be unstoppable desiring of the things we don’t have and when we can’t have it, we become disappointed, depressed, discontented.

Comparing? Inevitable it is. And so were the consequences.

The good thing is that we can still compare in a better way thereby producing better results. How we are supposed to that?

Reading Exodus 3, the burning bush experience of Moses, we can see that HE is just STARTing to know GOD. When GOD called him, HE is so afraid that he hid his face from HIM. The after-verses depicts Moses as a what-if-man, dispirited and pessimistic. He says he can’t speak, neither become the lead. Yet after 30 chapters of the Book of Exodus, in chapter 33, HE is the exact opposite.

What did he do? Nothing.

What did GOD do? Everything.

You see, as we encounter our Creator, we’d be different. He introduces HIMSELF to us as we continue our walk with HIM. The 40-year journey of Israelite to the Promised Land revealed GOD’s character unto HIS people. The journey draw Moses to be closer to HIM each day as HE ask for guidance and listen to HIS commands. It is the same with ours today. If we just continue our journey with GOD, we will eventually get to know GOD. If we just draw to HIM closer each day, our desires are changed. HE becomes our satisfaction. Our desire becomes HIS glory.

So let us go on comparing—comparing our present selves to yesterday’s. Are there any character improvements? What are we desiring yesterday? How about today?

If we diligently seek HIM every moment, a time will definitely come when we’ll hear HIM that HE’s pleased with us and HE’s willing to give anything we could asked HIM. Amazingly, we will not request for beauty, fame, riches nor our present situation be changed. We will ask for HIM.

We will be like a child pleading for his father.

We will request this one thing.

We will utter this words upon HIM.

“Show me YOU.”

“Just a glimpse of YOU, please?”

“I wanna see YOU, dwell in YOU all the days of my life and just worship YOU and be with YOU forever.”

These are the amazing phrases GOD would love to hear and HE loves to grant.

And HE is really most pleased when we are most satisfied in HIM as John Piper quoted.

HIS presence would be enough.

HIS promises would be enough.

HIS love would always be enough.

Fullness. It is in HIM. It is HIM. It is drawing closer each day to our Father who ultimately cares for us and is crazy in love with us. It is in JESUS who came for us to have a full life. It is in Spirit who leads us and changes us from glory to glory.

GOD wants your heart not your performance.

He wants you more than your achievements.

HE’s hurt when you are hurting.

HE cares when you are aching.

You just have to run to HIM. HE will welcome you with HIS arms wide open.

HE is offering HIS embrace.

HE sees you as you are.

HE loves you as are.

And HE compares not.

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Some Ecclesiastic View

Happiness.

Contentment.

Money.

Fame.

Good works.

Interconnected as they seem, yet patterned with view of the world.

Many people (I myself is not exempted) chase happiness. Who does want to be sad, right? Most of the time, people of this world live merely just for their happiness. Students go into schools and universities to earn a degree to have a job. Then after sometime, they work 8 hours a day plus extra hours (and extra hours) to get a big salary. Others work to impress other people, especially their superiors to be promoted to higher position with a higher salary. THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH THOSE. Yet, there will be no end for the longing. People are always wanting for more. No contentment. No lasting happiness.

When you read the Book of Ecclesiastes, you’ll find there King Solomon’s descriptive word for everything—meaningless. He is a king who’s so wise and experienced everything: wealth, fame, people, everything. He even tried the bad side of life: wine, mistress and madness. Yet after all these, he said that everything was meaningless. Our fame, wealth, achievements and everything else are meaningless. Am I making a point here? Well, those things were temporary. Those things give us happiness but just for a short period of time. Our deeds? Those too won’t be remembered a hundred of years from now (maybe if you’re in the historical line of someone famous like kings, prince and princesses or really did an astonishing act in your time… that would have a chance to be remembered). But for ordinary man living on earth? I think it’s a no.

Just imagine a rope infinitely long. You cannot see it ends and you are holding the other tip. Three inches from that tip is your life here on earth, and from the 3-inch end boundary up to the infinity is the afterlife, where will you focus? Most of the people were too preoccupied with that three-inch part not thinking of the infinite part to come. Right? You see, I’m not that old to say these things. Yet, what I want to do, I cannot do, just like apostle Paul. The world unconsciously drags me away from these truth. The world load me with worries and doubts and fears instead of trust and faith and love for the Creator. The world gets my time. I do things on my way, not even thinking God who has breathed life to me.

Ponder.

Why would people are so consumed with things of the world that are fleeting when there’s a life that is eternal? Nothing is bad in having the things we want: fashion, travel, gadgets and many more. Nothing is wrong about getting rich. Nothing is wrong in eating, drinking and partying. Nothing is wrong if there’s no GOD who will judge us in the end as the wise teacher includes in Ecclesiastes 11:9

Your fame, wealth, achievements, everything will soon be gone. Mine too. If everything is meaningless, what’s the point of still living now? What’s the point of toiling around if happiness is temporary?

There is. A lasting joy exist. Yet it cannot be acquired not by your own effort works but by grace. Only GOD can fill that hole in your heart that searches for happiness. HE has designed that, that emptiness you feel even you have what you want. He has designed that for you know HIM and for HIM to fill it. No matter what you do or what you acquire, at the end of the day, it’s still GOD who made you. HE knows your purpose for HE is your Creator. And when you get to know HIM, He’ll show you the way to that true and undying happiness—by giving HIM glory through fulfilling what HE has called you to do.

February Agony

Love month.

My mind's away, drifting.

My heart is breaking.

My heart is breaking not because I am single and I don’t have a date.

My heart is breaking not because I didn’t receive any bouquet of flowers or bars of chocolates.

My heart is breaking upon witnessing a mother talking to her sleeping-like lifeless daughter.

My heart is breaking because I am woman, a daughter and if God permits in the future, a mother too.

This picture awakens me. This scene reminded me of not just how precious life is but of how short it is.

My almost one hour conversation with that family a while ago is full of memories from a two-year old little girl who’s life happens to be now in perfect peace. Her mom talks and talks a lot about her. I can see in her eyes her longing. I can observe how her stories about the child put a slight glow on her face. I can hear the agony in her heart as she embraced me with tears.

I was left speechless, teary and wandering.

Pondering about this thing made me realized so many things. It made me ask myself some sort of questions I’ve never asked myself before such as:

•      What’s the purpose of my existence?
•      When will my life end?
•            How will people react when I’m gone?
•      What stories am I gonna leave behind? Is it inspiring? Life-touching?

After these selfish thoughts are the realization of how I am making my time count here on earth. Am I making the most out of my life—life with the people who loves me? Am I treasuring them as if it’s my last time with them? Am I leaving them a worth-sharing memory? How will I act when one of my beloved passed away? Are they gonna be thankful for my life?

Just like in the well-known book of Rick Warren, I asked myself “What on earth am I here for?” Am I living in the center of the Creator’s will? Am I serving Him with all my heart and soul and mind and strength? How am I using this God-breathed body? What am I contributing in line with His Son’s purpose? Is there anything I’ve done or I am doing to make Him more famous? Am I putting a smile on His face? Is He proud of me?

This little child is indeed a gift. I can still remember how she ignores me every Sunday afternoon service and yet manages to make me smile despite of that. I can still recall of how she looks like, wearing that red little dress I gave her last Christmas. I can still imagine her cute face and so-little hands that held my hand into her forehead back then. I can still somehow hear her small voice calling me “Ninang”.

“God has His own reason for everything that’s happening in our lives. All we have to do is trust Him and continue serving Him,” I just said to her mother and ended that "one day you'll meet again when He returns."

Thanks to her who left good memories. Thanks to her, she reminded me. Thanks for the legacy she left behind.

In all these, indeed God has a purpose. I pray that her family will stay on Him, still put their hope in Him. Because all things work together for good for those who love HIM (Romans 8:28).

Seven Things for My Future LOVE

Last month of the year.

And I got few things on my mind right now.

And it's not about "backing off." (chuckles)

I don’t know why I feel like writing this but one thing’s for sure, it must be blotted out.

And it’s “Seven things I demand for my future LOVE.”

Hilarious. Funny. Mirthful.

Oh, thoughts!

Well, I’m not in haste. I’m in a wait.

Okay. I’m not gonna make it flowery. I’m gonna keep it short and straight.

The guy who...

1. Really loves GOD (A man who loves God more than anything else, more than anybody else—even loves GOD more than he loves me)
2. Loves singing (and singing loves him too. Choosy it may seem, but guys gain extra point for this)
3. Has an artistic outlet (whether its singing, writing, photography, music, painting, dancing or whatsoever thing that he can pour out or express his emotion to)
4. Has a sense of humor (I’ll definitely love the one who can put a smile on me especially on those rocky situations)
5. Loves children (it can be his brother or little sister, niece, nephew, neighborhood, any cute babies)
6. Knows how to cook (well deliciously)
7. A wide reader or a book lover (This is a bonus! A nerd who loves reading.)

And that’s it—the seven things I demand for my future LOVE. ^_^

I want the one who GETS me and won't be ashamed of me...he, who won’t just complete me but will make me a greater person and so was I to him. We’ll not just complement each other but will make each other great through God’s grace.

Yet above these things, I just want the “Adam” God has planned for me. 

Whether he met this qualities or not, well he must met Christ. HE must be his best friend first.

I am not into love right now. But I’m excited about it. I’m excited about him. I'm excited about HIM—His great plans for me. For now I just have to trust HIM and let HIM first complete me and prepare me.

Song of Songs 8:4.

I'm now in love with the thought of being in love.

Oh, thoughts!

Well, I’m not in haste. I’m definitely in a wait.

Hopefully in a wait of being worth the wait.

Welcome 2014.

Priority and Love

This was one of my wall post days ago. I’ve read this in a FB page entitled “Solely Devoted”. I was truly blessed with this excerpt.

How many times did we ask God in this area? How many times did we ask God to fill us with His love—a love that will overflow to the others who thirst for it? How many times did we consult God in the choices we make? “A sheer delight rather than a sense of duty...” What a phrase! Admit it or not, often we do things unconsciously. It’s either we’re used into those routines or we’re just doing things out of duty. Well, being responsible is not bad. But without love, nothing makes sense.

As Mother Theresa said, “...we can do small things with great love.” A small thing with great love is indeed a great thing. But how can we accomplish this “just-loving” thing? Start with God. In parallel to what the image above says, try and persevere to make your relationship with God your top priority. God is a loving God, merciful, kind and gracious. He will never ever forsake those who come to Him humbly and heartily. I don’t know if article makes sense to you who read it. But there’s no harm in trying. Swear.

Seems like confused? A friend shared to me a while ago thru a facebook chat, that she’s afraid she might fall...that she some friends’ help in this area. She’s afraid because she’s not sure. She’s been in a fantasy of falling brightly in love and a nightmare of falling with no one to catch her. But then there’s JESUS. The one who’s always waiting for her, to fill her with satisfying love, to cradle her in her arms, to hold her without ever letting her go...FOREVER.

I was glad to share these things to her. I even message her verse Song of Songs 8:4a. Probably, you already knew that. Do not awaken love until its ready. When will be the it-word be ready? Only God knows. So better get close to Him so that when He says IT is ready, we can hear so clearly. Discern God’s voice.

As I write about this thing, numerous thoughts flood my mind. Am I talking to myself too? Am I reminding myself too? Or does my girl friend who asked me a while ago of what to do in her falling-in-love thing warns me then? Talking about the heart, I remembered Proverbs 4:23 and Jeremiah 17:9. Guard your heart. Above all things, it is the most deceitful.

Let me clear this stuff. This isn’t about gals only but also for guys out there. You too have hearts, right? I don’t know how guys guard their hearts nor how they regard God’s love. But if it’s Jesus working and reigning in their lives—focusing on His faithfulness, contemplating on His beauty and holding on His promise—it’s not hard for them to live in this tempting world. Talking about love and relationship, why not be pure emotionally too? I’ve read this book written by Heather Arnel Paulsen which inspires so much. It talks about well, the title itself—Emotional Purity. It’s about preserving all of your being for God and for the one He has prepared for you. Well beside Jesus, I fell in love with the man on this post, guess other girls would, too:

(actually, it must be “says”)

Thank God for who HE is! Thank Jesus who gave His life for me, for you, for us. He loves me so much that He doesn’t want me to get hurt. Because when I am hurting, He’s hurting too. That’s how much He loves me. And so the same thing goes with you. Why not be content with that for now? I believe that God is the one who will make my heart; our hearts feel like there’s something missing though we want more of Him. When that happens, then that is the time.

More over these things, there are so many things out there. More than our longings and dreams of being with the one, there are those people who need to be reached out. They also need love and with the love that God had in us, we can love too, unconditionally. We can pray too heartily. Selfless. We have to be selfless and think of others too. To those who are losing their hope, their faith, maybe God is commanding us to first bring love into these persons. He wants us to be molded first in a selfless love. And with Christ, we can do all things. Live. Love. Laugh.

A sheer delight rather than a sense of duty... With a mix of love, things become new... With a paint of love, things become great.

Love of God. Love is overflowing. Love of others. Loving is never tiring.

“God made the world for the delight of human beings-- if we could see His goodness everywhere, His concern for us, His awareness of our needs: the phone call we've waited for, the ride we are offered, the letter in the mail, just the little things He does for us throughout the day. As we remember and notice His love for us, we just begin to fall in love with Him because He is so busy with us -- you just can't resist Him. I believe there's no such thing as luck in life, it's God's love, it's His.” ― Mother Teresa

Back Off

She realized that she’s being back in the cycle. And she need, not tomorrow but now, to BACK OFF.

It’s a cycle. It’s a cycle that she left behind, a circle that she should have left behind, a loop that she MUST now left behind. BACK OFF.

What do she mean being back? Well as she weighs her recent everydays, it’s a lie not to admit that she’s not happy—happiness either from some words and smiley on a phone screen or an inevitably charming jest coming from him. It may be too a happiness from some of his words of upliftment or the knowledge of being similar to each other in many aspect. Temporary happiness she must say.

Probably, it’s her fault. Instead of walking away from the cycle behind her, she unconsciously, found herself in it wherein the same and same stuffs happen. She doesn’t like to play around and she doesn’t like being played around. She doesn’t want to invest anything to anyone. Well not because she doesn’t get anything in return. She just doesn’t want to cause pain to anyone. Different kind of thoughts and emotions flooded her of what and where and when and why and how. Gibberish.

Back off. Back off. Back off. It keeps echoing in her head. And probably she must start her step away before falling completely into the emptiness or the gap between them…before some bond breaks…before the other self will never be the same again.

Too deep. Too shallow. Too wide. Too narrow. Nonsense.

To begin this plans in hear mind, she must initiate herself not to enjoy being in the cycle. In this cycle she felt loved yet a wrecker. In this cycle she felt judged, well judged mostly by herself. She felt as if like she’s causing some unintentional pain to persons who are really a family to her. She felt criticized by the people around her, though she’s not certain. All of these were in her midst.

Today, she wanted to re-align herself—change her focus, change her perspective. She’ll make it up to her true blood, by fixing some broken things or strengthening the bond. She’ll focus on her other family—children, youth and some girlfriends. She gotta establish her plans for her career too. Starting from this day, she’ll gonna take pleasure in the love bestowed on her from above which is never ending, never failing, always caring. Then wait for the moment the love-abounding Heaven give her heart some deficiency that only a creation ordained by Heaven can fill.

Today, she started to back off...

Please, back off.