The Life I Never Dreamed Of.

Life always contains the word 'maybe'.

The title maybe taken positively or negatively depending on the type of person who will take it in.

Maybe, it's a life you never dreamed of because it was too good or maybe it is too bad - like the life you never wanted it to be.

But the thing is life on earth is temporary and so are the things that we desire.

As for me, I desire to travel in places that will make me feel more alive and amazed, new paths that will make me want to go excited. I want my eyes to see and feel new things. Or maybe, I only desire to be reciprocated. Maybe I want to travel because others do. Or maybe, I just want this because I am afraid to be the last in line when it comes to visiting new places. Maybe I just want my hard work to payoff.

As for me, I desire to have a perfect wedding. Just like any other girls out there, I desire to be, somehow, be a one-day princess. I want my dream wedding to come true...with these and with that...the plans in my mind. When I watch wedding videos, I seldom not cry. I cry, yes, because of the love vows, or maybe I cry because I was jealous and impatient...Jealous that they had their dream beach or something-interesting-theme wedding come true, jealous that I won't have mine anyway because of my incapacity. I get impatient and sadly embraces in my head the lowered-standard notion of wedding - the usual one, the one I never dreamed.

As for me, I want my own house and car. But I always got this thought in my head that I won't have it anyway, so why dream of it. Some people are just born with money and inheritances. Some people of my age are daughters/sons of businessmen. They are more fortunate. They can have what I want easily. That some people are born rich. Their parents have stable jobs. Work is not an obligation to them. Some are born properly and they are not breadwinners.

Surely, you can tell me that there's nothing wrong with I want. But event after acquiring/achieving all that. Now what/ What's the next thing I will chase? What's the next thing I will acquire?

A never ending cycle of wants.
Satisfaction will be removed from dictionaries.
It will be obsolete, as though it never existed...never will.

I am 23 years of age. Am I normal to be thinking these??
Or maybe I am just overthinking.
Overthinking of things I cannot and won't be able to handle myself.
Or maybe I am just tired of giving.
Giving and giving and just giving?
Maybe I just get too focused on these things, things that won't last forever.
Maybe, it's destined to be not handled all by myself.

Maybe this is my fate.
Yes, it is the life I never dreamed of.

Same with Joseph, the Dreamer.
Almost killed by his own brothers and sold to be a slave.
Lived in the dark dungeon for so long and yet still cursing his God

And so was Jesus' life.
He never intended to die for sinners like you and me.
But He let the things handled by His Father.
He let His creator's will prevail.


Maybe it's the life I never dreamed of.
Since life on earth is just nothing compared to eternity, I'd rather rest.
I'd rather not fret and be consumed worrying of the things I cannot handle.

Maybe I just stop driving my own life and give to the one who really have the key, the speed and the fuel.

Tonight I cried for the things I never dreamed of.
I cried for the things I cannot possibly reached alone.
I will stop comparing myself to others.
I will stop thinking that my story is the same as others.

This moment, I will learn to embrace the life I never dreamed of but is the life God always wanted.